When Losing Yourself Forces You to Love Yourself: Grown Zone Love

This post is part of Loving in the Grown Zone Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers across the globe. To learn more and to join us as we change the conversation about healthy love, CLICK HERE!


Today I am so excited about life and all of the possibilities that come with it. If someone would’ve told me that I would enjoy being a stay-at-home mom, turned blogger, trainer, speaker and homeschooling mom, I would’ve seriously laughed in their face! But when I think about the life I was living nearly three years ago compared to the life I’m living today, hands down there really is no comparison. I am walking inside of my own dream, but it all started with me learning how to FLY (First Love Yourself). It started with me learning to understand what it meant to have grown zone love for myself.

I will never forget the day that I walked into my corporate office for what I knew would be the last time. I was almost seven months pregnant and had been struggling with the decision to leave what I already knew was an unhealthy environment for me at the time. But I had to finally let go of the “what if’s”, and the fear of going from a two-income household to a one-income household with our third child on the way. I had to put my health and the health of my unborn child at the top of my priority list, even before all of my fears and anxiety. I had to make a grown decision.

Have you ever had to face a fear so great, it literally made you sick to your stomach? For probably the first time in my life, I seriously understood the meaning of “Let go and let God”. So when I walked into my office on March 21, 2011 (because who doesn’t remember the date they got their life back?) with my resignation letter, that’s exactly what I did.

LOVING in grown zone Self-Love = Grown LoveWhile I didn’t have a plan in place, I knew deep down that God was telling me it was time. It was time to let go of what had become too comfortable. It was time to let go of what I thought was my security blanket, my safety net. It was time to let go of the one thing that was holding me back from envisioning my true purpose and passion. What are some things you’re holding on to that you know you need to let go of?

I had gotten so committed and dedicated to my employment that I had forgotten what it meant to have big dreams, aspirations and goals for my family and myself.

I didn’t have a plan in place when I left. I just knew that I had to start somewhere. At some point between the birth of my daughter, and her first six to nine months of life, I felt lost. I felt like I lacked a sense of direction, and a sense of self-love. While it took me a really long time to admit that I was struggling with postpartum depression, it took me an even longer time to admit that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was no longer aware of who the person was that was staring back at me when I looked in the mirror.

When I realized I had truly become a victim of identity theft (due to motherhood), I knew that it was time for a shift. I had lost myself because in taking care of my family and everyone else around me, I had forgotten that they needed me to take care of myself too. Not taking care of myself was costing me my mental health as well as my physical health (I was gaining weight instead of losing it). It was affecting my relationships with my husband and children to the point where I don’t even know how they managed to be around me.

I had simply forgotten the importance of pouring love into myself first (yes, first!) so that I could then share and pour that love back into my family. As moms, we tend to confuse self-care with selfishness. But when was the last time taking a mommy break didn’t make you a happier, more loving mom?

Once I learned the importance of my own self-care and self-love, I was able to really tap into the things that made me the person I was before I became a mother. I was able to identify the things that have shaped me into the person I am today. I was also able to release over thirty pounds of baby weight and create a much healthier lifestyle for myself as well as my family. Today, I make a conscious effort to do something just for me regularly because I’ve learned that being a FLY mom is a non-negotiable.

#EDENWondermoms 1 - #FLYMom

loving in the grown zone book coverThrough this process, I learned that no on can love me more than I love myself. And when I look back on the areas I struggled with the most earlier on in life, I realized it’s because I lacked the self-love I have today. I lacked Grown Zone love.

What are some areas that you have neglected your own self-love? What has a lack of self-love been costing you? Relationships? Opportunities?

Share your thoughts on Loving in the Grown Zone, where my friends Alfred and Zara are relentless about changing the conversation about healthy love, which starts within. Whether you’re looking for love, or have found love, this book is essential to understanding how to maintain that love on a solid foundation. Grab your copy today and then join us on the blog tour and tell us about your thoughts on Loving in the Grown Zone.


 

Loving in the grown zone blog tour 2Zara D. Green and Alfred Edmond Jr. are co-principals of A2Z Personal Growth Enterprises, producer of The Grown Zone discussion series and related media properties. The couple leads sessions on personal growth, self-love and resiliency, healthy relationships and “Grown” decision-making via online and live events across the country. They know this book is changing the conversation about healthy love. You can grab your copy HERE.

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19 Comments

  • Reply
    Kiwi
    February 27, 2015 at 2:02 AM

    This book is on point! Self-love is grown love!! I also learn love is maturity…which is all about growing up. You cannot have a health adult relationship with yourself, friend or lover if you cant grow up mentally. This book is probably going to be hitting all of those good points!
    Kiwi would like you to check out…Mizani Takes on Texture at Bronner Bros Winter ShowcaseMy Profile

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      March 2, 2015 at 6:39 AM

      “Love is maturity”, love that Kiwi. That whole thing about growing up mentally is the truth.com!

  • Reply
    Emerald Lavender
    February 27, 2015 at 9:07 AM

    Hi Christine, I can relate so closely to your story. The story of loving everyone else around me as a mother and wife and I get whatever is left over. I have struggled with taking time out for myself without feeling selfish. Thank you for driving the point home that self-love will ultimately restore you to yourself and is not selfish at all! xx!
    Emerald Lavender would like you to check out…5 Super-Cute Planners For Keeping OrganizedMy Profile

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      March 2, 2015 at 6:44 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing Emerald! I’m so glad you found this helpful because you’re definitely not alone. And if you’re looking for a tool to keep you on track, feel free to download my e-book on this very subject.

  • Reply
    Josselyne
    February 27, 2015 at 9:07 AM

    Great conversation. I had that feeling too after giving birth to my first. I didn’t know it was PPD.. wow! As a result, I went back to school and have almost finished my masters. But I also picked up my camera and now a professional photographer. I still have those moments where I ask.. “what the heck am I doing?” but I remember whats its like to feel like nothing..uurgh! Anyway, I tell myself it didn’t happen over night and this self-love wont happen over night. Receive the love and grow with it. Thank you so much for sharing
    Josselyne would like you to check out…The Big Surprise Just For YouMy Profile

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      March 2, 2015 at 6:47 AM

      First of all, CONGRATS Josselyne on your Master’s, that’s a great accomplishment! You hit the nail on the head: it won’t happen overnight. But if you keep nurturing it and receive it with love, like you said, it will happen. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Reply
    Shani
    February 27, 2015 at 11:23 AM

    This hit home: “At some point between the birth of my daughter, and her first six to nine months of life, I felt lost. I felt like I lacked a sense of direction, and a sense of self-love.” Trying to motivate myself and juggle life as a new mom has been pretty difficult. Im managing to get things done but, I still feel as if I haven’t accomplished enough. I know it’s gonna take time. Will definitely look into getting this book.

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      March 2, 2015 at 6:49 AM

      Hey Shani, I can completely relate to how you’re feeling. Try not to beat yourself up, and if you feel like the problem is bigger than you, please don’t hesitate to reach out and seek professional help. But this book is a great start 🙂

  • Reply
    Adanna
    February 28, 2015 at 10:20 PM

    You wouldn’t believe how timely this is for me. We have similar stories, I left my job while pregnant with my last child too. I’m still a tadpole trying to determine how I’m going to get to the point where I live my dreams so you serve as inspiration. Grown zone love is def important to me because I can’t give up on myself. I have too much love for self to disappoint me.
    Adanna would like you to check out…14 Tips for Managing Labor PainMy Profile

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      March 2, 2015 at 7:10 AM

      That’s the magic of how God works Adanna 🙂 Wow, thanks so much because you inspire me as well. I’d say you’re definitely on your way. I love that: I have too much love for self to disappointme. #Truth

  • Reply
    MJ
    March 1, 2015 at 7:21 AM

    This post is so timely for me. I’ve been feeling bad about the lack of attention the hubby is receiving from me. Shucks, I need to pay him and me more attention individually and collectively! Boy do kids change the dynamics of a relationship. I will be purchasing this book and diving in. We need to rekindle our magic!
    MJ would like you to check out…Children’s Book Review: A Sugar Bug On My Tooth + GiveawayMy Profile

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      March 2, 2015 at 7:24 AM

      I love how transparent you are MJ, and just know you’re not alone. It’s a constant juggling act, and gets easier with practice. Now, go rekindle that magic girlie! 🙂

  • Reply
    Nadeen White
    March 2, 2015 at 12:34 AM

    Thank you Christine! A great reminder to take care of yourself! You can be everything to everyone if you don't first love and take care of yourself! So happy for you that you had the courage to change your life for the better!

  • Reply
    Mimi - MimiCuteLips
    March 1, 2015 at 11:51 PM

    Many years ago I walked away from a relationship that just wasn’t working. I was so afraid of the failure but doing so gave me my life. On Sept. 12, 2002 I set myself free and I’ve not looked back. That was the greatest self love I could give myself.
    Mimi – MimiCuteLips would like you to check out…Issa Rae – The Misadventures of Awkward Black GirlMy Profile

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      March 2, 2015 at 7:27 AM

      Congrats Mimi! Isn’t it amazing when we look back on the things we tried to hold on to because we thought we needed them, only to realize it was the very thing we needed to let go of in order to be free? Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply
    Christine St.Vil
    March 2, 2015 at 12:12 PM

    Thank you so much Nadeen! It truly makes all the difference, and is something that I remind myself of regularly 🙂

  • Reply
    GinaB @ Mirror Watching
    March 2, 2015 at 11:27 AM

    Oh, I can definitely relate to letting go of the security blanket, safety net and conforming plan that we all seem to follow. It was scary, but I think I’m starting to focus and get the swing of it now. Awesome article.

  • Reply
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