For most women, their relationship with insecurity begins long before they even realize it. It may be the result of a string of failed relationships, repeated mistakes, self-doubt, rejection or a host of other things that have led them to feel “damaged.” We walk away from situations stunned and defenseless, often blaming ourselves for its demise. We tell ourselves that we could’ve done or said something different, not realizing that this would’ve been an attempt to delay the inevitable.
The more afraid of the future you are, the more you will desperately cling to the past regardless of how dysfunctional it may be. While you may be accustomed to feelings of insecurity, one of the easiest ways to combat those feelings is to stop chasing meaningless relationships. Validation is something we all seek, however there comes a time when we need to learn to evaluate our own feelings and know our own strength. Whatever your reasons for enduring painful situations in the past, it’s time to realize that despite your mistakes or shortcomings, you are worthy of love.
As women, we have to be very careful of whom we receive counsel from. While it may not be done with malicious intent, I’ve found that women are more likely to bond in a certain unhappiness, especially when it’s one they can relate to– resulting in a caldron of poisonous emotions. Far too many times we find ourselves sharing situations with our friends with the hopes that we will find solace if only for a little bit. But it can be hard to distinguish whether you possessed certain feelings or if they were acquired along the way.
It is safe to assume that our friends and even our loved ones give advice with our best interest at heart, but often, it comes with the suggestion that you focus on future happiness in present misery opposed to facing the issue head on. I challenge you to spend time with yourself and become comfortable with all that you are.
It’s so much easier said than done, but there comes a time when you have to define yourself for yourself. That may consist of investing in a journal or engrossing yourself in a plethora of self-help books, or something else entirely. Whatever the process, allow it to be one that you decide on. For some of us, it may even include spending time with ourselves reflecting on our mistakes, but more importantly, falling in love with ourselves. I’ve learned that it takes courage to embrace your mistakes and to learn from them, and even more courage love yourself unapologetically.
Do you have trouble forgiving yourself? If so, why do you think that is?