So yesterday I shared a little bit as to why I’ve been MIA for the last little (actually long) while. If you didn’t get the scoop, head on over here to have a read. Anywho, staying on the topic of marriage, or lack thereof in my case, I want to share a couple of things I believe my marriage could’ve benefited from. Or things I wish I knew before saying I do.
I mentioned that I’ve been married twice yesterday. First time around I was 20 (I know…I know. Hey, I was in love, lol) and the second time around I was 30. You’d think I would’ve learned a whole lot about life and myself in those 10 years, but sadly, not so much. And here’s why. I was too busy mommy-ing, studying, working, and in a what felt like a constant state of being preoccupied with one thing or another. There was always something to be handled or fixed, and yours truly was Mrs. Fix-it. And that was no bueno, for me or my family.
Waiting to Exhale
For starters, I needed to learn how to exhale and not sweat the small stuff. I was 13 years old when the movie “Waiting to Exhale” released, and although I could appreciate the movie, I know I didn’t fully grasp the concept of the movie title. Now I go, ‘oooh, so that’s what waiting to exhale actually means’, lol. Like seriously, I think I was holding my breath for a good 5 years waiting for the other shoe to drop, for things to fall into place, or fall apart, or something. I’m sure a good nights sleep, like actual rest, could’ve served me good. Perhaps upgrading my mattress by adding a memory foam layer would’ve served me well without any potential back pain interrupting my sleep.
Can We Talk For a Minute?
Then there’s the fact that I absolutely despise and avoid confrontation at all cost. I just don’t argue well. Add to that an opponent who doesn’t fight fair, and I most certainly clammed up. You know those people who have the gift of the gab and can either talk their way into or out of anything? Or those that can taaaaaaalk you down as though they haven’t had a chance to speak in the past 2 years and now they’re letting it all out on you? Yeah, I don’t fall into either category. I mean I can and do talk, lol, but I don’t have the ability to make those clutch comments (or insults) in an argument. I always walk away thinking, ‘I should’ve said that’, or ‘that would’ve been a dope comeback’. But yeah, a little too late. Besides, I was probably too busy trying to pretend I wasn’t phased, lol. Didn’t do too good of a job though. Yes, I’m what they would call sensitive. And I’m ok with that. I call it being in tune with my feelings 🙂 I know I’m not fragile though; to reiterate yesterday’s take away: I’m still standing 😉 All that to say, communication skills – Key!
Cater 2 U
Ok, so not sweating the small stuff and actually communicating is great. My last thing would be to cater to the needs of each other. Knowing what someone’s needs are would be a good start, hence communication skills. But then also catering to them is important. Cause what good is it to know a thing and not act on it? A popular and great way to find out what one’s needs are is reading the book The 5 Love Languages. You can also do the test free online to find out what your spouse’s love language is.
Also Related: Do You Know Your Love Language?
Physical touch from what I hear is a big one amongst the guys. And no, it’s not just that “sweet-sweet”. Speaking of which… I saw this on Instagram a while back and found it hilarious.
It can actually be as simple as holding hands or a hug. Did you know that the human body needs to be hugged? Yup, it’s true.
So there you have it. The 3 things I believe any relationship could benefit from. Of course, a relationship could have all this and still succumb to the various issues life throws at us. But at least this might just give the relationship a fighting chance.
Here’s to Happily Ever Afters! God bless!