I just came across a picture on Instagram of a newlywed couple showing off their new puppy and stating in the caption that it would subdue the having a baby question for a bit. And it got me thinking, what is our obsession with newlyweds having a child as soon they get married?
No Bun in the Oven
Martha Stuart Weddings lists the having a baby question as the number one question couples can expect shortly after their nuptials, but also points out that things aren’t like they used to be. Couples are more focused on being financially ready and simply enjoying the company of each other. And though most can appreciate that a couple takes a year or so to themselves, the whispers start if 3 or more years go by and there’s no “bun in the oven.” Becuase at this point, you’re either selfish or maybe you can’t have kids.
No ‘Right’ Time
The decision to procreate is obviously a very personal decision and there is absolutely no “right” time to have kids. Everyone makes that decision for themselves. Undoubtedly, having children changes the dynamics of the relationship. Date nights certainly help and the mere determination to make each other a priority.
But even though all the aunties and uncles have been there, done that and know the inherent challenges, still the pressure remains. NY Mag have a humorous article on “7 Shut-It-Down Responses to the Question ‘When Are You Having a Baby?’” including: “I’m concerned about why you’re asking me this. Are you getting everything you need at home?” LOL. But all jokes aside a lot of couples go through a TTC (trying to conceive) journey that is emotional enough without the probing questions of family, friends, society. That said, don’t assume that a couple that decides to wait are having difficulty. It’s just one of those things where you have to wait and see what happens.
How long did you wait to have kids once you got married? Did expectations influence your decision?
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