If you’re new to Moms ‘N Charge, welcome! You may not know that I also write for the award-winning BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com, and have been for over a year now. BMWK is the largest independent African American marriage and parenting website. It was started by Lamar & Ronnie Tyler six years ago because they were fed up with the pervasive negative images of black marriage in the media.
I had the pleasure of joining the BMWK family in November last year, and there are no words to describe what an amazing experience it has been to be a part of such a wonderful team! This year they launched their first Writer’s Choice award, and I’m honored to have been chosen for the award amongst my peers. This is one of the most talented and supportive groups I’ve ever worked with, so I definitely cherish this award! There is never a day that I don’t read an article on BMWK that inspires me to do better and be a better person and wife. So I’m shouting a big THANK YOU to everyone at my BMWK family. Thank you for your support and all of your words of encouragement.
Here’s is a snapshot of some of my top articles I wrote for BMWK over the past year:
1. 9 Things I Learned While My Husband Was Away (my very first article):
1. Thank God for Steve Jobs (RIP) and the invention of FaceTime!
There was something about being able to see my husband’s face when I talked to him that made me feel like he really wasn’t far away. There was a different kind of connection that made me feel like we were teenagers again.
2. I’m one lucky mom.
Even though they can be a bit of a handful, they are just as much a bunch of goofballs and they make me laugh myself silly. If I had to pick kids to get stranded with, I would definitely pick my own.
As I started writing down my goals and aspirations that I wanted to focus on in the new year, I started reflecting on how I can become a better person — a better wife, mother, daughter, sister & friend. Naturally, my first priority was figuring out new/better ways to show my husband some love. So I started writing and came up with this list.
1. Choose not to react
I admit it. I have a short temper. If I feel like I’m being attacked, I usually react in a defensive manner. I’ve come a LONG way from when my husband and I first started dating in 1999. But Lord knows I still have a ways to go. I promise to take a deep breath and listen to what he has to say before I respond…and be sure to practice replacing disapproval with love.
2. Surprise him in the bedroom
‘Nuff said. It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I elaborated on it, now would it? I promise to do some thing(s) that will surprise him…in a good way of course (*wink).
I’ve truly enjoyed getting to interview couples for the spotlight feature on BMWK. I learn something new every time, and this special couple was no different.
Jonathan knew within the first month and a half that she was the girl he wanted to marry. Wynter said it was clear to her when they had their first Valentine’s Day dinner. They got engaged within six months of their first date, and will be celebrating ten years of marriage on June 27th. The couple have four daughters ages nine, six and four-year-old twins.
…Of course our differences and challenges exist and some of them may be petty. But contrary to popular belief (and mainstream media), people don’t need to see or hear all of that! Just because they always appear to be happy, doesn’t mean they are putting on some sort of a show.
Happy couples really do exist because….…
They embrace the challenges.
Sometimes challenges in your marriage arise because you need to be “checked”.
One of my absolute favorite quotes about marriage was one I heard in the film, Still Standing, by Ronnie & Lamar Tyler: “The only way to know if you have unconditional love, is if conditions come to test that”. This quote is undeniably powerful whether you’re married or not. And if you’ve been married for any length of time, then you know that tests and trials are a natural part of the union. Sometimes they are forced on you, other times you (or your spouse) may force them upon yourself. Either way, conditions and challenges will always present themselves in your marriage. The difference between those that remain “still standing” and those that don’t is how they choose to handle those conditions.