We recently received the following question/comment from one of our readers:
“I read most of your articles you post. Your knowledge is very useful on a lot of different subject matters. I know a lot of married couples and one of the main issues I find hard to address or possibly answer is ‘can privacy work in marriage without causing distrust?’ I find this one of the #1 starters of a lot of downfalls in marriage.”
When I first read this question/comment I had so many questions I wanted to ask. Is this coming from someone who is married? What kind of privacy are we talking about? Depending on the answer to that question, I might understand the “downfalls in marriage” that they mentioned (as there are just certain things you can’t keep private from your spouse). Maybe privacy was not the best word to use in this context. But I can only share my point of view from what I interpret the question to be. The conversations that I have with my girlfriends are “private”. But if someone were to secretly record our conversations and send it to my husband, there wouldn’t be anything in that recording that would put our marriage in jeopardy. Likewise, I don’t need (or care) to know about the details of the conversations that my husband has with his boys.
At any point in time, I can log into my husband’s computer and gain access to his e-mails, documents and websites he frequents. I can, but don’t need to. I have the password to his phone, and he to mine. I always stay logged into my e-mail accounts and social media sites on my laptop. So if he wanted access to them, he could. But he doesn’t need to. If I go out with my girlfriends, I don’t have to worry about someone seeing me out in the streets and then running back to tell him anything out of the ordinary. I surround myself with people who love and respect my marriage enough that they would check me if they even thought I was doing anything questionable. Likewise, I trust the friends that my husband chooses hangs out with. Level of trust and security? Yes. Privacy? No.
So click through to see a few things to keep in mind when you consider the level of “privacy” in your marriage:
Do you think privacy can exist in a marriage without causing some level of distrust?