3 Things Mothers and Daughters Need from Each Other

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and the focus on love and relationships is on everyone’s mind. The idea of Valentine’s Day changed for me in 2005 when I became the mother of a daughter on Valentine’s Weekend. So instead of your traditional romantic love message, I want to share the 3 things mothers and daughter need from one another on Valentine’s Day and every day.

Mothers and Daughters Need Love

Love is the easiest and the most difficult thing to do that no one ever teaches you. From the moment, you laid eyes on your daughter and she snuggled up against your chest, you both knew love in a way you had never known it before. It was easy.

But as you both grow and mature in your relationship continuing to express that love in a way that is appreciated and understood becomes more tricky. And that is because you must learn to love the other person the way they need to be loved and not the way you want to love them.

I suggest that you use The Five Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman to assess your love languages. This assessment will give you insight to the actions, words and behaviours you can use to express the unconditional love she needs, but you never learned how to give.

Mothers and Daughters Need Support

For a mom, this means giving your daughter space to make her own decisions and choices and providing her the encouragement, resources and safe space she is seeking, without judgment. We must learn to let our daughters have their own experiences – both successes and failures – and be there supporting them physically and emotionally along the way through the process.

In this day and age of technology, we must also give our daughters the face time they want and deserve. This will sometimes require that we create the space and set the ground rules for taking breaks from technology.

For daughters, this means doing what you’ve been asked to do, when and how you’ve been asked to do it. Moms have so much more on our plates than moms of the past. We need your help to ensure it gets done and we can have peace of mind.

Mothers and Daughters Need Respect

For moms respect becomes especially difficult during tween and teen years. This is when the nature of the mother-daughter relationship begins to shift from adoration to aggravation. A daughter’s quest for independence compared to a mom’s efforts to protect and shelter her, make it difficult for us to exercise influence versus domination.

As moms, we must learn to respect our daughters as people and not just as children. And while you may not always agree with her, strive to respect her choices and her individualism.

For daughters respect is learning to disagree without being disagreeable. There are going to be times when we do not like or agree with what mom has to say. So what. Display respect anyway.

As daughters, we are not often taught why respect should be given, just that it should be given and how. As a daughter, who is now also a mother of daughters, here are three reasons I’ve learned why daughters should respect their mothers.

  • Her authority: For the most part, she has the right and legal backing to parent you her way.
  • Her experience: even though she may not share, she is offering you the benefit of her experience, either by protecting you from what she went through or encouraging you with the knowledge she gained.
  • Her responsibility: Motherhood is the greatest responsibility she will ever hold and her success depends totally on your decisions. That’s a tremendous amount of pressure.

Comment below and let me know: what are some ways you show love, support or respect for your mother or daughter?

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  • Marcia Shannon 52
    February 5, 2016 at 1:55 PM

    This is an excellent piece! It is good to learn and to be reminded on how to relate effectively with our adult children. I like how you said we should treat our daughters as a person instead of our child. I needed to hear that one today. Continue to be a blessing with your insiggt .

    • Anitra Durand Allen
      February 5, 2016 at 2:06 PM

      Thanks for your comments Marcia! I use these tips with my baby girls every day and they’re only 8 and 10! Gotta start ’em young learning how to function in relationships.

  • Stacie
    February 6, 2016 at 10:42 AM

    My daughter and I are the best of friends and I agree we need each other so. She’ll always be my child but I do need to remember to treat her as a young woman too.
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    • Christine St.Vil
      February 6, 2016 at 10:47 PM

      I love that Stacie! I’ve always hoped to be great friends as my daughters grow older because I didn’t have that. I love that I have a great relationship with them now.

    • Anitra Durand Allen
      February 7, 2016 at 12:10 AM

      Yes Stacie! As a mom it is so important to have a good, happy, healthy relationship with your children, especially our daughters. We know where they are and what they are going through and have to be more compassionate and remember what life was like at their age.

  • Tomika Brown
    February 6, 2016 at 12:05 PM

    Anitra!!! What a great relationship read. I am learning as I go that I can’t protect my girls from everything…. Even though I try… Really hard. I have learned they have to experience some things good and bad to know what to expect from future encounters. Thanks for sharing your mommy knowledge

    • Anitra Durand Allen
      February 7, 2016 at 12:11 AM

      Your welcome Tomika! If they don’t learn now in the comfort and safety of home, it will be a rude awakening when they’re out on their own.

  • Foodfashionandflow
    February 6, 2016 at 10:02 PM

    Great article. So many mothers and daughters struggle as daughters mature and become women. I can relate to this based on my own experiences dealing with my mother as a teenager and young adult.
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    • Anitra Durand Allen
      February 7, 2016 at 12:14 AM

      The struggle is real! But it doesn’t have to be difficult. Parenting is a choice, and when we learn our options, we can choose how we engage as moms.

  • Roslyne Johnson
    February 7, 2016 at 12:25 AM

    Bravo Anitra! As the Mom of two daughters, 22 and 17 years old, I can attest that the road was not always easy. Recognizing their individual qualities and accepting them for who they are was tantamount to developing the awesome relationship we have now. I am also a firm believer that respect at all times was a requirement.

  • Kim
    February 7, 2016 at 9:09 AM

    This is great for any mom and daughter at any age. Great post.

  • Holly
    February 7, 2016 at 1:04 PM

    Very nice. This is a great read, especially for those who have a daughter in their teenage years or in an odd relationship.

  • Allison Jones
    February 8, 2016 at 1:21 AM

    Great post! I cherish the relationship my mother and I have so much and we practice all of these things.

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  • Kiwi
    February 8, 2016 at 3:57 AM

    I am looking to learn from my mother. Her wisdoms and even from her mistakes. You can learn a lot from your mom because you are apart of her so you can either repeat her cycle or enhance her cycle…great blog!
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  • Sheena
    February 8, 2016 at 7:08 PM

    I agree with this post. I definitely don’t want to be that irrational, overbearing mama with my daughter. You live and you learn.
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  • Hi, It's GinaB
    February 10, 2016 at 12:01 PM

    Hi Antria,

    At one time these concepts were very basic and understood, but as the hectic pace of life has increased and we have less time in the home we need posts like this to center us. Thanks for the reminders!

  • Nicole (Nicole's Lifestyle Lounge)
    February 11, 2016 at 2:27 AM

    Great article and advice. Now that my oldest is 18 and is in college, I’m having to learn to give her space to make her own decisions and find her own way – without micromanaging her every move.
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  • Jonna
    February 15, 2016 at 10:31 AM

    For my mom, even to this day I respect her opinion about what I’m doing even when she doesn’t understand and sometimes comes off a little tough. She’s still trying to protect me from harm so I can’t knock that! For my step-daughter, she’s about to be 20 so I especially respect her decisions as a women while still encouraging her to make wise choices and using my influence to help her do that.
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