#SelfLove – Being a Happy Wife is Essential to Your Marriage

Everyone knows the saying “A Happy Wife, A Happy Life”. And while it may sound selfish to some, the truth of the matter is that it takes a lot more to make a woman happy than it does a man. And just from my own experience, I’ve learned the importance of believing in and loving myself first, instead of waiting for my husband to express that for me. Last week, I wrote about some of the essential keys to being a happy wife. I think what resonated with most is the fact that all of the keys I spoke about begins within oneself. It begins with you, as the wife.

Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home. ~Sri Sri Ravi Shanka

A lot of people are skeptical when they see a happy couple, especially after they’ve been together for some time. But what I’ve come to realize is that those couples are genuinely happy as individuals, which allows them to grow in their union. When I think back to the rough patches that I had in my relationship even before we were married, I realize now that I played a big role in my own unhappiness.

I wasn’t a happy person period, and I know that contributed to my lack of happiness during that time period. But I didn’t know how to be happy because all I knew was how to be hurt, disappointed, disrepected and taken advantage of. Like they say: hurt people, hurt people. And I was hurt. But over the years, I’ve learned to work through that hurt. I’ve learned to work on myself. I’ve learned to create my own happiness because no matter how hard he tries, my husband can only do but so much.

Even as a wife, I am constantly reminding myself that my happiness is a result of what I pour into myself. It is a result of how I show up and love myself...and not how much my husband is catering to my every need. Loving yourself is essential in any relationship, but especially when it comes to marriage. Just like no one can love you more than you love yourself, no one can make you happier than you can make yourself. It starts with you: not your husband, not your children, not your job or your girlfriends.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. ~Oscar Wilde

A while back I had a conversation with my husband, and he was telling me about the topic of happiness and love within a marriage that came up at work. The discussion was that when you take time to reflect on yourself:

  • It opens up your eyes to things you can work on within yourself
  • It allows you to be more vulnerable and communicate more effectively (which is key to a healthy and happy relationship)
  • It allows you to reduce arguments and increase discussion on issues that arise


Being happy with yourself allows you to grow closer to your husband, where as being unhappy allows for a wedge to grow between you. It allows for problems and pride to escalate. When you’re happy, people are naturally drawn to you including your husband. He will see the change in you and want to provide even more happiness for you without you seeking it.

Loving yourself is a journey that includes constant reflection of yourself. What makes you happy as an individual? In order to figure this out, you have to get to the root of whatever has caused your unhappiness. This may require some soul searching, counseling or deep, uninterrupted reflection. But it’s essential in being a happy wife, which is a basic element of a happy marriage.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. ~ Lucille Ball

What techniques or tips do you have to find happiness within yourself?

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  • Charmaine Sealey
    December 28, 2013 at 3:31 AM

    Thanks again Christine. Phenomenal insight. I agree with all of the above and love the part you mentioned about not finding your love in your kids, hubby, work etc. If you don’t love and respect yourself no one else will! Great work and again really glad I found your site. What a breath of fresh air!

    • Christine St.Vil
      December 29, 2013 at 12:15 AM

      Aww that is so sweet, thank you so much Charmaine! I truly appreciate you stopping by. Loving myself was a hard lesson I had to learn and am still making a conscious daily effort to do. It’s so important and sets the path for everything we do/attract in life. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

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